No one matters to me (except for us) - Chapter 4 - blueb0rber (2024)

Chapter Text

"Love?" You called, knocking on Gwen's apartment door.

You heard shuffling and what was probably Gwen trying to clean up anything she'd accidentally left out. You'd told her many times before that you didn't care and she'd seen your messy room before but she insisted on having the place looking decent for you.

The door opened and a tired-looking Gwen looked down into your eyes, a soft smile on her face. You noticed that she was wearing a hoodie of yours, and she had probably just hit her head on something.

"Hi baby." She said with a yawn.

"Hi honey, are you okay?"

"Mhm. What's up?"

"What do you mean? We're going out with the boys today. Right now."

"...sh*t."

You sighed. "You either forgot, or slept in."

She gave you a sheepish smile and pulled you into the apartment by your hand, her cold fingers intertwining with yours. "Would you be surprised if I said both?"

You smiled and tilted your face up a little, capturing her lips for a brief moment that left her cheeks pink. After that, she couldn't help but let a gap-toothed grin break onto her face. "No, I wouldn't. You need to get ready though."

Still grinning, Gwen darted back toward her room. "Okay!"

Sitting on the worn couch, you waited as Gwen changed. The cool tones of the walls contrasted with the warm feelings you had when being here, but probably reflected Gwen's feelings of being here sometimes.

She'd vented to you about the emptiness of the household, filled only occasionally when her dad was home and awake. Officer Stacy worked a lot, and when he was home he was tired, so he went to bed. They hung out sometimes, but she needed more. They argued about it quite a lot, he was doing his duty to protect the city, to protect her. He was just trying to be a good dad. But he didn't realize what her meaning of a good dad was.

As much as your lover acted like she didn't need people, she loved company, but waited for an indication of someone's true feelings. Or an invitation to hang out. Well, except for dropping by your house, but that had long since become a permanent invitation.

She wanted to have guests to fill the emptiness, but the house was really only used to your constant presence. Which was enough for her, it seemed. She lit up whenever you came over, which was a lot. Sometimes her dad would come and play board games with the two of you, or watch a movie that he'd fall asleep on, and those were the times that all was well in the Stacy residence.

He took his work too seriously, you thought. You understood both sides of the story, of course, that he took up the job so he could make the city just that much safer for his kid, and that she was appreciative of it but just wanted to spend more time with him. But he was so busy protecting her that he didn't realize the gap opening between them, and when he did you weren't sure if he'd be able to fill it or build a big enough bridge.

No use getting stuck on any of this when you knew you couldn't fix it. At least your relationship with your parents wasn't really strained. They worked a lot, but made time for and spoiled you, although they didn't know about Gwen. Sure they knew about her in the sense that you're friends, even best friends, and they'd met her before. But they didn't know about her. About the two of you.

And you were going to keep it that way.

Because you were afraid of their reaction. They'd still love you, sure, but your relationship might be different. You weren't sure how they felt about gay people. They didn't exactly support them, but they didn't seem against them either. But any opinions could be different for their own child. They may be fine with other peoples decisions but not want their own child to be gay.

Well, too late. You thought bitterly as you wondered if they'd actually think like that. Maybe, maybe not. You were afraid though, so you decided not to think about it too long.

Blinking to clear your thoughts, you glanced around again at this apartment you were so comfortable in as if it was your own. You even kicked off your shoes and ate out of their fridge at this point.

Yeah, warm feelings and memories radiate from these walls, at least for me. But maybe that's just because my woman lives here.

Gwen came down the stairs and you had to stop your jaw from dropping at how gorgeous she looked, because you'd been together for awhile now and you do this every time she dresses up a little more than usual.

She was wearing a white turtleneck with matching dress pants and shoes, and had a black button up long sleeve shirt hanging off her shoulder. She smiled and your cheeks warmed, but you ignored it and looked her up and down.

She giggled and pulled you closer to her by your waist, making you let out a small squeak as your throat closed up.

God my girlfriend is so pretty. Wait, wait, wait, my girlfriend. Of a few months now. I cannot keep getting choked up by these little things, Jesus.

"I wanted us to match."

"Huh?" You responded dumbly.

She didn't say anything else, just pointed towards you and then at herself.

That's right, you're wearing a black button up and dress pants with black shoes, your sleeves rolled up to look a little less formal and first few buttons left open. The two of you were matching, especially with the white vest and tie you were planning on putting on later.

The reason you both were getting so dressed up was because this was no simple hangout with Miles, Hobie, and Pavitr. You guys had decided to go out to a fancy restaurant and then play music on a prearranged rooftop, decorated with lights and speakers.

She leaned her forehead against yours, and you wanted to kiss that smirk off her face, because you knew that she knew what was going on inside your head.

"Have I ever told you you're stunning? Like heart-stoppingly so-"

You didn't get to finish. You didn't get to finish your sentence because suddenly her soft lips were on yours.

It wasn't one of your usual soft ones, and it had you staggering back until the back of your waist gently hit the back of the couch, and you felt her hands on the couch, on either side of you. Boxing you in. You didn't mind.

After another few minutes of the impromptu make out session, you broke apart, the both of you panting slightly.

"You made the move this time." You observed. Usually it was you who initiated these passionate kisses, and then she'd follow your lead. This time was different.

"Felt like it." She breathed. "Wanted to try being more.."

"Dominant?" You guessed.

She shrunk back at that but nodded, a dopey smile on her face. "Sounds kinda cringe when I hear the word."

You laughed and looked into her ocean eyes. You could swim in her gaze for hours. "TikTok ruined you with the alpha sh*t?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

She snorted, and you leaned your head against her chest with a sigh, happy about her being taller for once, but you wouldn't admit it to her.

When you glanced up, she had a knowing smirk on her face, because of course she always had a guess of what you were thinking. You rolled your eyes and flicked her arm, and she scoffed.

"Shut up."

She hit your shoulder lightheartedly, and put her head on top of yours as you wrapped your arms around each other. "I didn't even say anything!"

"You knew anyway."

"Whatever, bug."

You looked at your watch and sighed again. "Come on."

You didn't even wait for an answer as you grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the apartment.

No one matters to me (except for us) - Chapter 4 - blueb0rber (2024)

FAQs

When nothing matters, everything matters. Quote? ›

Nothing matters, so everything matters. You can find joy in the nothingness, and silence in the chaos.

What does nothing really matters to me mean? ›

“Nothing really matters” means that there is no meaning in the world. This phrase was made famous by the Metallica song “ Nothing really matters” When someone says “Nothing really matters” they mean that whatever you are talking about has no significance.

What does it mean when nothing matters anymore? ›

The feeling like there's no point trying anything since nothing feels good anymore has a name: anhedonia. While anhedonia appears to mimic boredom, it's distinct in that it's usually coupled with a loss of motivation to even give things a try. Sometimes, this state of mind becomes problematic.

What is the point nothing matters? ›

When we're overwhelmed by emotion and feel as if our actions and experiences define the world, reminding ourselves that “nothing matters” is incredibly liberating. This realization enables us to venture into the world more courageously, with less attachment to outcomes.

What does nothing matters more mean? ›

Meaning/Usage: To express nothing else is important. Explanation: Usually used before expressing what is actually important. The below example sentences will illustrate this. "Nothing matters more than being happy."

What does really matters to me mean? ›

It means someone cares about you on a deep level that would/does affect them. If something were to happen to you (good or bad), this person would react heavily. This can either be shown physically or emotionally or both. It means your bond if truly strong and/or means something valued by this person.

What is someone who thinks nothing matters? ›

Nihilism is the belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. A true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy.

What does doesn't matter to me mean? ›

It does not matter (to me). The verb “matter” means to be of importance. So when we say, “it doesn't matter” we are saying “this issue or subject is not important.” For example, if we are given a choice between two things, and we say “it doesn't matter,” we are saying that either choice is acceptable.

How to fix anhedonia? ›

There isn't a specific treatment for anhedonia. A healthcare provider will help alleviate this symptom by diagnosing and treating the cause or underlying condition. Possible treatments could include: Cognitive behavioral therapy.

Why does nothing satisfy me? ›

The feeling that nothing makes you happy can be temporary or it can be associated with a serious mental health condition like major depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you're feeling this way, it's important to acknowledge and address your feelings so you can start to feel better.

What does it mean when nothing bothers you anymore? ›

Feeling as if you don't care about anything anymore may be related to anhedonia or apathy. Anhedonia is a mental state in which people have an inability to feel pleasure. It is often a symptom of mental health conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, and substance use.

What is the opposite of nihilism? ›

For Camus, the entire purpose of Existential philosophy is to overcome absurdity, or, more accurately, for man to triumph over the absurdity of existence. So Existentialism is the opposite of nihilism: the nihilist says "There is no god, no heaven or hell, so screw it: there can be no right or wrong.

What is the nothing matters theory? ›

Existential nihilism is the philosophical theory that life has no objective meaning or purpose. The inherent meaninglessness of life is largely explored in the philosophical school of existentialism, where one can potentially create their own subjective "meaning" or "purpose".

Is nihilism a bad thing? ›

Existential nihilism is commonly associated with destructive, impulsive behavior and suicide. 7 However, more recently, it has seen a resurgence in mainstream culture and contemporary work.

What is Steve Urkel famous quote? ›

Quotes. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel : Laura, I know that I'm not worthy of you, but I just can't help loving you. It's like wanting to touch a star- you know you'll never reach it but you've just gotta keep trying.

What did Oscar Wilde say in matters of great importance? ›

In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.” Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest.

What philosophy says nothing matters? ›

"Nihilism" is the belief that nothing matters. Existentialism is the attempt to confront and deal with meaninglessness...to not succumb to nihilism or despair: to not give up or avoid responsibility.

What does if anything matters then everything matters mean? ›

It's saying you should feel freedom to live your life in a way that matters to you.

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